As the holidays approach, ‘tis the season for gift-giving. In the midst of Christmas trees, Hanukah bushes, and the relatives, gift giving, and getting, becomes a main focus. Shops are open late, displays are mesmerizing (and distracting), people are getting mugged outside of malls, and girl scouts are selling gift-wrap with reindeers, snowflakes, and menorahs.

Part 1 of the Holiday Giftorcism begins with the protagonist as the giver. It doesn’t matter whether you’re the Black-Friday-Ravager, or the Christmas-Eve-Procrastinator. Either way, it can be difficult finding the “right” gift. Forget finding your soul mate- finding that perfect present for your mom is harder.

If only it were as easy as walking right into that “OMGPERFECT-she-needs-this” gift. Chances are, it won’t fall off the rack for you.  In that case, your options include: perusal of the holiday sales for an indefinable amount of time, a homemade sentimental relic from the arts and crafts box, or the all-time favorite generic disclaimer of a gift card. Don’t even bother picking the gift card for a favorite restaurant, clothing store, or bagel place. Just get the credit card one. You know it’s scary when even gift cards become impersonal. Whatever you pick, from that expensive-looking blue scarf, the picture of you guys when you were little, the $25 iTunes gift card, or that toaster that looks like it belongs in the Matrix, stick with your gut and hold your own because the worst is yet to come.

Part 2 of Holiday Giftorcism is receiving.  Although it may be stressful finding the perfect gift for all those important people in your life, it just may be more painful receiving the gift yourself. Think of it this way- once you give a gift to someone, it’s gone. It’s not sitting on your dresser after New Year’s, waiting to be repackaged, re-gifted, or returned.

You may luck out with that “OMGPERFECT-I-need-this-it’s-what-I’ve-always-wanted!” gift. Who knew your grandfather had the fashion sense to pick out those skinny jeans? How did your aunt pick out that sick skateboard? What are you going to spend that $25 American Express Gift Card on? But, in the alternate holiday universe called reality, you’ll end up with that gift. Yeah, the one you knew you never wanted. The one you’ve been dreading since Labor Day. There are a few gifts on Santa’s list this year that definitely qualify for the Worst Holiday Present Ever Award. Favorites include:

• The ugly Christmas sweater. It’s classic. They even started mass producing them from a website, not from your great-aunt’s rocking chair: uglychristmassweaters.com
• The ever-useful twirling spaghetti fork. The utensil you’ve always wanted.
• The $25,000 cupcake car. The Dallas-based Neiman Marcus said, “it made a conscious effort to offer more affordable options while not disappointing loyal luxury shoppers…” Because everyone loves to look like an idiot in their own neighborhood.
• 20% Off Coupon to that restaurant on the corner. It’s not even a gift-card, so does it even count? You’ll probably get food poisoning anyway.

So, don’t fret over the 2011 gift experience. Bask in it or rip it off like a Band-Aid. There’s plenty of holiday cheer everywhere you look- Christmas tree shopping, relatives in your house, the endless stream of sappy Holiday movies, the radio stations gone gospel, etc.