As the new school year is upon us, everything is riding on the students-including their backpacks. Here’s the 2011 Backpack Breakdown:

Contents of a Freshman Backpack – Bulky, Unattractive Hiking Bags : Sharpened #2 pencils, campus maps, Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide, textbooks (that may or may not be theirs), lucky talismans, mountain climbing and camping gear, an assortment of colored binders, loose sheets of Spanish homework, extra socks, pepper spray in case of senior attacks, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle lunchboxes, blankies, cookies from the student store, flashlights, locker combinations, belts (para Senora Schonek), and a healthy dose of humiliation.

Weight Avg.: ~200 lbs.

Contents of a Sophomore Backpack: Some dignity, mechanical pencils, hipster cameras, occasional textbooks, various notebooks and folders, pepper spray, invisibility serum, The Scarlet Letter, harry potter wands, free time.

Weight Avg.: ~10 lbs.

Contents of a Junior Backpack: Stress, coffee, Functions homework, car keys, lower school planners, ID’s, ipods.

Weight Avg.: ~20 lbs.

Contents of a Senior Backpack (no backpack at all, or if there is one): Snuggies, college apps, ray bans, nostalgic tears.

Weight Avg.: <5 lbs