For the past three weeks, the students of Pine Crest School have faced some serious challenges: rough football games, countless thunderstorms and fire alarms, the first Functions test, and more. However, although the students are known for their ability to overcome great difficulties, one adversary seems to be tougher than these resilient Pine-Crestians. I’m talking, of course, about the chairs. The new super-rolly chairs in the science building are out of control. “It’s like they have a mid of their own,” says junior Camille Houle, “I’m scared to sit down.” Already there have been reports of injuries and even near-death experiences during science classes. People go to sit down in their chairs and next thing they know, they’re on the other side of the room. Multiple reports of accidents caused by excessive sneezing have been submitted as well. “I was sitting, enjoying Mr. Schwartz’s fantastic facial features, when I sneezed. I collided with the wall and was catapulted across the room,” Daniel Samuel recounted about his morning Biology Honors class.

But, despite the mounting reports, some students take another view on the new chairs. Swimmer John Rudnik tells Type One that the new chairs are similar to “some kind of drug.” Rudnik goes on to say, “the rush I get from wheeling around in them [the chairs] isn’t something that hours of rehab could help.” Additionally, many students are starting to develop ideas on why the chairs are so unbelievably quick. Some, like physics buff Joel Kalos, say that the chairs are meant to show how wheels would act in a frictionless environment. Others argue that small leprechauns sneak in the science building each night and lubricate the wheels of the chairs with ground up Lucky Charms. Regardless of what anyone believes, it is clear that these new chairs in the Huizenga building are a growing problem that Pine Crest School must begin to deal with, or face the wrath of many excessively bruised students.