[ot-caption title=”At a point in each person’s life, they have been forced to choose their two vertices. (via Alexandra Oshinsky, Senior)” url=”https://pcpawprint.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/tumblr_inline_mtahqr3AKP1r9f8dt.jpg”]

The Triangle of Life (TOL): more than just a relatable infographic, the triangle perfectly captures the struggle of students across the globe. Seemingly as old as time itself, the TOL has made itself known through sharing of the oral tradition and extensive rounds of Internet forwarding. As most people already know, the triangle works by separating the three major goals of youths, good grades, a social life, and enough sleep, into three separate vertices. Then, the wise triangular gods command its observer to choose two.

Unfortunately, as I am a person who cannot function without at least seven hours of sleep, I have been obliged to continuously flip flop between my duties to maintain fridge-worthy grades and my responsibility to not go the way of irrelevance among my friends. Usually, when one is stronger, the other weakens, therefore proving the triangular relevance. Obviously, there are outliers to this rule – every once in a while, some wizard comes along who manages to get great grades, has plans with friends all the time, and somehow gets enough sleep to function daily. These people are frustrating to no end, defying the perfect geometry of time management and enchanting all who befriend them with a mix of jealousy and awe. However, there are people worse than this.

In order to explain, I have to go back to ancient times, or the first time when someone advanced beyond step one of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. This system, another of triangular composition, says that a person’s first and foremost needs are food, water, sleep, and oxygen. It was the time of the cavemen – one day, after catching enough food to last a week, finding a freshwater river, successfully impregnating his cave-wife, and taking a nap, one caveman realized he somehow had enough time to reach full enlightenment and create the English language. And, thus, the human race was mutated forevermore. True story.

This mutation has surfaced in many forms over the course of human history. There were those who, after successfully achieving all vertices of the TOL, created the wheel, became extremely well read, or trained to become master chefs. Arguably, in the millennial generation, more often than not, if you meet a person who has already accomplished the triad of the TOL, they have probably also watched more television shows than you have on Netflix.

As I write this, I am sitting on my couch, eating lunch in my pajamas, lulled into a false sense of security thanks to the consumption of seven seasons of How I Met Your Mother over the short span of one month. Much like Bigfoot and the Loch Ness monster, the existence of these mutants among us makes me question the meaning of life each and every day. If you, dear reader, still doubt their existence, I retort that just last week I heard a person say that they watched so many shows on Netflix that they finished their entire queue and started teaching themselves computer science out of boredom. True story.

This year, I resolve to finally accomplish the same feat as these fantastical few. I vow to maintain all three vertices of the Triangle of Life for the rest of the year, while also making significant leeway on my Netflix queue. As a backup plan, I will collect all data available to prove that these mutants are actually in possession of alien technology that allows them to freeze time, thus allowing them extra hours in the day to keep up with both the Kardashians and their favorite programs.